A heartfelt plea to the Duke of Northumberland
'Tis true that thou dost have a duty to protect this county that some would call God's own. In yester year thou didst even rail against the huge whirring turbines of wind power that would so disfigure our beautiful landscape saying, "I am afraid we are all seduced by easy money, often to save crumbling assets, but ruining a countryside of which we are supposed to be custodians is a step too far..." (thus quoth thou in the Daily Telegraph)
Now we, thy humble folk who dwell in the ancient hamlet of Beadnell, do ask that thou rein in Northumberland Estates from developing within our Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty. They would destroy a part of the coastline, known as the jewel in the crown of thy County, by building five and forty unnecessary dwellings with an access highway that would scar an historic mediaeval rig and furrow field.
This epistle is penned by an aggrieved supporter of the spirit of Wat Tyler, who would have led this revolt, had he been alive this day.